Beep, beep, beep, beep!
You groaned as you turned and shut off your alarm. As you did, you realized the long, perfect cuts on your arm. Shocked, you immediately shot upwards. That’s when you remembered.
“You’re useless. You are just a burden to me. Trash. I only went out with you because I felt sorry for you. Now, get off my doorstep before I have to make you, you sorry woman.”
Your ex-boyfriends words rung in your ear. He had said those words to you a week ago, and finally, fed up with stabbing only a pillow every night, you advanced to your arms.
You sighed. “I should probably put some bandages on, or else Ludwig, Feli and (Femalebestfriend) will get worried…” You thought. They were already worried enough as it was, seeing you push people away, not wanting to get close to someone ever again.
Taking a deep breath, you got up, got dressed, bandaged your arm, decided to skip breakfast, brushed your teeth, packed, “accidently” forgot lunch, and headed out the door. Since your high school was only a mile away from where you lived, you walked to school every day. You sighed as you watched your breath puff out in billows of air. You loved the cold… it felt good, which you found strange since you always hated the cold until a week ago. Shrugging, you just kept walking.
~Time skip, still your POV~
Lunch was the first time in the day you actually got to talk with your friends; unless you saw them in the hall between your first few classes. Germany, Italy, and (femalebestfriend) were all sitting at one table. Slowly, you made your way to them, hoping that they wouldn’t notice you before you sat down. But too bad for you because Italy heard you coming.
“______~!” Italy said, got up, and ran over to hug you like he did every lunch break. You smiled a small smile and hugged him back. Unfortunately he also noticed your arm.
“Ve~!!! What happened??” He said holding up your arm.
“Uhh… I fell down the stairs. It’s a little bruised up so I decided to bandage it.” You shrugged and gave a weak smile. As you sat down next to Germany, you didn’t notice him staring at you.
Fell down zhe stairs? I questioned what she said. I knew she was lying, I could see right through her. She was also looking pale, and I noticed that when she sat down she didn’t pull out a lunch either. As she sat next to me, I could feel her shaking, but every now and then she would stop, as if she was trying hard not to. I sighed, grabbed one of my spare apples and handed it over to her without looking.
“Uhh, for me?” ______ asked uncertainly.
“Ja, you need to eat.” As I glanced over to her, she lightly smiled and took the apple. She was so much better with a smile on her face. Every day I regret not telling her about her ex-boyfriend, and what a jerk he was. It hurt to know she was hurting, and not telling anybody about it.
Before I knew it, the bell was ringing. I glanced over at ______, who had apparently already finished the apple. As I got up, I patted the top of her head.
“Sei vorsichtig (Be careful), okay, ______?” I asked. She just looked up at me, a little surprised by the fact I patted her head. She just smiled and said “okay”. And with that, I reluctantly went off to class.
You could feel your face turn pinkish as you watched him leave. Italy and (femalebestfriend) started giggling.
“W-what…?” You ask. That fact that you stuttered makes their giggling turn into laughter. Not knowing what was so funny, shook your head, grabbed your backpack, and started walking off to your next class.
~Time skip, still your POV~
You sigh as the teacher finally dismisses you. You slowly start to pack up, thinking of what to do when you get home. Probably watch more anime… or read manga. Anime and manga were the only things you could do without thinking of him. Everything always worked out in them. Always a happy ending. (enterhobbyhere) was also another thing you liked to do. Getting up, you swung your backpack over your back, and started heading out the door. But someone blocked you.
“Mind if I walk home with you today?” Asked Germany. You blinked, wondering why he wanted to walk with you. You just simply nodded, and headed out into the hall, with Germany following you.
Once you guys were halfway to your house, Germany spoke up.
“_______, what really happened to your arm?” He sounded a little worried. You sighed, and glanced down.
“I…” You trail off.
“You…?” Germany echoed.
You covered your face with your arm as a tear slid down your face.
“I’m sorry.” Right after you said that, you started running as fast as you could toward your home.
“Vait! ______!” Germany yelled after you. He just stood there, heartache written all over his face.
~Time skip, still your POV~
You lay on your bed, sobbing into your favorite pillow. You wanted to tell him, you really did. But you didn’t want him to worry over you. You weren’t worth it. Finally getting up, you head downstairs into the kitchen. Glad for once that your parents were on a business trip, you grab (yourfavouritefoodtoeatwhenyouaredepressed). You then walk over into the living room, and turn the TV on to (yourfavoriteshow). Before you knew it, you were asleep.
I slam my fist into the wall, denting it. Why? Why couldn’t I help her? Why am I so helpless? I sat down onto the couch, and buried my face into my hands. Then I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.
“Germany? Everything alright?” Italy asked. I just waved my hand at him, not wanting to really talk to anybody. Italy sighed.
“If you need anything, I’ll be upstairs.” And at that, Italy went back upstairs. After a while, I finally decided I should go take a shower and get ready for bed.
~Next day, still Germany’s POV~
Lunchtime came. And ______ wasn’t here. Italy and (b/f) noticed it too.
“Should we all go over to her house after school?” Asked Italy.
“No, she wouldn’t like that. If one person went, that would be best.” Said (femalebestfriend).
“Then who should go?” Italy inquired.
“Well… Honestly, in my experience, it can be easier to talk to a guy about things… And since Ludwig lives closest to her –andyesIknowyouguyslivetogether-, I’d vote Ludwig. Plus, we know she likes him.” After saying that last part, (femalebestfriend) shot a smirk at me. I just stared at her, frozen. It took two seconds for them to burst out laughing. I rolled my eyes.
“It’s not like zhere’s nothing going on between you two.” I said in a calm tone, not meeting their eyes. That shut them up pretty quickly.
“H-how’d you know?” Asked (femalebestfriend), seeming baffled.
“Oh please, like I zhink Italy goes out all zhe time for a valk in zhe park? He hates exercize.” I said matter-of-factly. Italy hung his head in defeat.
“Sorry, (femalebestfriend).” Said Italy, rather humbly. I just chuckled.
“I’m not saying you guys can’t be togezher, I vas just saying that to shut you two up… and I vas guessing.” I gave a small smile, at which (femalebestfriend) growled at. At that time the bell rang, and I collected my things to get ready to go to my next class.
~Time skip, now your POV~
You lay on the bathroom floor, blood everywhere. You had cut up your arms, and your legs. You stare blankly at the knife that is griped weakly in your hand. You shiver. It’s so cold; the bathroom window was open. Something small and white floats in front of your eyes, and lands on the floor. As you weakly look up, you realize it’s snowing outside. You sigh, close your eyes, and enjoy the cold, cruel breeze coming in from the window. But something knocks you out of your trance.
Someone is banging on the front door. You recognize the voice of the person, but are too close to blacking out to think about it. Then you hear someone running up the stairs, yelling your name. They sound worried. Finally, they seem to realize you’re in the bathroom. They try to turn the doorknob, but fail because it’s locked. “Verdammt.” You hear someone curse. A second later, you hear a bang, and see the door swing open and slam into the wall. Looking up, you see Germany, looking down at you, his eyes full of panic.
“_____-!” He bends down next to you, and then holds you up in his arms.
“Vhat did you do to yourself?” He asks quietly. His face is buried in your hair.
“I…” You trail off. “Thank you…” as you finished, a single tear falls down your face, and then everything goes black.
~Time skip, still your POV~
You slowly open your eyes. You’re in bed, with something warm resting on your hand. As you slowly turn your head, you see Germany. His face in buried into his arms, and his arms are resting on the bedside. His hair is all messy, and as you glance down at your hand, you see Germany’s warm, gentle hand softly holding onto yours. With much effort, you squeeze his hand, hoping it’ll get his attention. You succeed.
“______!” He says, after he glances up at you. His eyes are red, and he looks as if he hasn’t slept for a day.
“Hey…” You weakly say. You give him a small smile, which makes him loose it.
“______, vhy did you do zhis to yourself? Please don’t ever feel like you’re worthless! Italy, and (femalebestfriend) love you…” He trails off. “Und Ich liebe dich…” He finishes quietly. Tears fill in your eyes. You’ve learned a few German words over the past, since you were curious after meeting Germany. So you knew what it meant.
“L-Ludwig… I’m sorry…” You say, tears streaming down your face. Germany looks up, and sees you crying. He gets up and sits next to you, and then gently pulls you up into a sitting position. He wraps his arms around you, gently murmuring things like “It’s okay” or “You’ll be alright.”
After you while, you speak up.
“Ludwig?” You ask.
“Ja? He replies. His voice is so calm, sweet, and loving.
“I love you too.”
As you look up at him, you see love and kindness sparkling in his eyes. He smiles softly at you, and then leans down, and kisses you. As you return the kiss, a tear slides down your cheek. I found him. You think. And now I will never be alone. Not anymore.